‘Here I am; I’ve changed’

It wasn’t her plan; she just wanted to get away from it all.

In fact, Rosa* was so discreet about her drug use that no one but her children knew she had been taking it at all.

The mother of three had started using illegal substances to ease the pain of marital woes after her husband left her.

But a year in and Rosa knew she owed it to herself and to her family— she wanted to change.

Family woes

Rosa had turned to illegal substances after her husband, encouraged by his sibling, started seeing another woman. She had a turbulent relationship with his family who she felt, at that time, had “belittled” her.

Drugs were her way of coping and of dulling the pain her crumbling marriage had caused.

“Parang lalo akong nagrerebelde, na bakit ginanito ako?” Rosa remembers thinking of her in-laws.

[Translation: It was like I rebelled even more, I thought ‘why are they doing this to me?’]

Eventually, she was spending money for food and had pawned their family’s television to buy drugs. But instead of helping her forget, her new vice led her problems to pile up instead.

While others gain more energy when under the influence, she became lazier and staved off work.

“Wala naman, di mo naman nakakalimutan yung problema. Nandun pa rin,” Rosa says.

[Translation: It didn’t do anything. You don’t forget your problems, they’re still there.]

Pathway to rehabilitation

When the barangay started rounding up drug users, she knew it was time to surrender to authorities.

“Naisip ko, yung mga anak ko, nagmamakaawa. Naisip ko parang walang nangyayari sa buhay ko sa paggamit ng droga.”

[Translation: I thought of my kids, who were begging me. I thought about how my life was going nowhere because of drugs.]

Rosa voluntarily turned herself in, to the surprise of her neighbors and their barangay captain.

“Wala silang kaalam alam na gumagamit ako. Lahat ng tao, walang alam. Kahit kapitan namin,” she recalls.

[Translation: Noone knew I was a user. Noone knew a thing, not even our captain.]

Rosa admits, she was scared at first, but their barangay captain’s presence helped quell fears. Having her children accompany and support her during sessions also boosted her morale.

She says, it wasn’t easy juggling rehabilitation while providing for her family, but she promised her children she wouldn’t touch the substance again.

“Nung umpisa, siyempre mahirap, tulad niyan… Ano ipapakain ko sa mga anak ko. Hirap na hirap ako,” she recalls. “Pero kinaya namin. Araw araw kami pumapasok para lang mapatunayan namin na eto na ginagawa ko … ito na yung pangako ko, hinding hindi ko babalikan tong ganitong bisyo,” Rosa adds.

[Translation: At first, it was hard… What would I feed my children? It was so difficult for me… But we managed. We went to class every day just so we could prove that we were doing it… [So we could show] ‘Here’s my promise, I’ll never go back to this vice again.’]

A brighter future

Now, Rosa and her husband have gotten back together. The two have been resolving their issues for the sake of their children.

She also works as a “barangay tanod” or neighborhood watchman to maintain order in their neighborhood.

She steers clear from people and situations that could lead to her relapse, and is sometimes tapped by their captain to speak about how she was able to power through her addiction.

“Handa kaming humarap sa mga tao, nagsasalita… Minsan maiiyak ka talaga kasi siyempre maalala mo yung mga nangyari… Nakikita nila, ito ako nagbago,” she says.

[Translation: We’re ready to face people and talk… Sometimes it really makes you tear up because you remember everything that happened… They can see it. This is me; I’ve changed.]

* The interviewee’s name has been changed to protect her privacy.